All
kinds,suicidal,homicidal,nightmarish,dream-like,sadness,anger,slivers of
happiness, feelings of being alone,unwanted of being completely visible
but undeniably ignored,thoughts that would otherwise be considered
complaining and petty, I've spent months with these thoughts and yet
nothings changed no matter how much I yield or don't yield, change or
stay the same nothing actually changes things still got worse the good
things started to decline and the bad increased but I couldn't turn to
anyone there was no one there to catch me when my knees eventually
buckled and my mind gave way to the darkness, there was no light for so
long and there still isn't but all that doesn't matter because
eventually we all accept the fate we have been given there are those who
are meant to bask in the glory and healing of the light and there are
those who shuttle back and forth trying to save those trapped in the
darkness the cold unforgiving unending sadness and rage filled emptiness
that is the darkness but they do not come for me they come to take my
denizens away from me because I am the ruler of this hell this dark
forever rotting hell of maelstroms that swirl emotions into a pit of
despair that bring warriors and fighters to their knees. Everyone says I
should express my self well I'm doing it now I feel like a toy everyone
got sick of playing with because I have one to many cracks on me I'm
broken so there for I am of no use anymore, I have been giving and
giving and people have been taking and taking but what happens when
there's nothing left to take...people still expect more of you and I've
given all I can to everyone that's asked and even some that
haven't....I'm not the kid I once was I have been given a seat to sit it
one that many have sat in before me and many will sit after. Someone
has to be in the darkness and since no one volunteered the darkness to
hold and refuge in my heart and soul and slowly took over knowing that
with each day that passed,with each painful truth I endured it was just a
little closer to seating me at it's thrown as it's new vessel to
sustain it's life.
And just to add a little more to all of this....I can feel her pulling away....
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