One move to checkmate

Do you ever feel so alone,so abandoned,so forgotten that you see no way out other then dying. Well that's exactly how I feel right now, I'm pretty sure I lost two friends because I'm unable to deal with my own problems. I'm too needy and I need to learn how to stand on my own. The one friend I can talk to I don't talk to because I feel like I'm just unloading all my problems on her. The two other people who I used to tell my problems to I can't anymore strictly because I feel like they don't want to hear it anymore there's only so much of me people can take before they become fed up with my never ending bull shit. I'm at a point in my relationship where sex isn't important I'm content with kisses and hugs. I'm also at a point in my relationship where when I leave for New York I'm afraid I'm going to lose her and that's a fear I face everyday, along with what if I fail at college what if I can't find a job what if none of this works out. In all of this torrential "rain" how am I supposed to find the sunlight. I have a staff infection in my foot I'm on two high dose antibiotics that make me feel like shit all the time and I'm just so sad all the time and if I'm not sad I'm angry I just feel like I can't win...