So I asked my girlfriend "What is wrong with me, why don't people like me or want to be around me?" and she simply replied "Sometimes you can be a bit negative." and I nodded and realized that yes I can be a bit negative sometimes, what really struck me was my response to that "I feel like given my circumstances in life that I have earned the right to be a bit negative." I stopped for a moment after that and then stated "Well the best solution to that is for me to just not say anything right?" nope, wrong she quickly rebutled "Well no because then everyone will get pissed that your not talking." I thought to myself for a moment, then how am I supposed to be around people...I mean I don't intentionally try to be negative I just....I stopped there I had no reason there was no excuse and even if there was one, I was only looking for trouble...I know that people come and go but what hurts is when those people are people I trusted....
I feel so alone, so tired, so empty like all the life from me has been taken....I watch daily almost like someone trapped inside my body as I go through the motions, Get up, Go to work, Come home, Try to sleep repeat. It's gotten to a point where no one wants to be around me unless they have to be, when I have days off I spend them alone or with my girlfriend and her friends,sadly those people used to be my friends as well. I just don't know where to turn anymore.
I went on a chat site, that is basically like a here have someone who will listen to your problems and be there for you site. and talking about my problems helped a bit but I also realized that I'm very much more alone then I thought. Now don't get me wrong I have a wonderful girlfriend and a single friend who talks to me on a regular basis but far from that I feel like I'm the person to avoid...and when I move in november well, I might just disappear if that's what everyone wants so bad.
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