If it doesn't hurt physically prepaid for the emotional wreckage

All I want is for things to be a little easier than they are, is that too much to ask, and before you guys get all rhetorical and whatnot I know the answer is yes that is too much to ask. I love her I really do but do I hurt her more then I help her, the answer is yes, I've watched from my own eyes as I've said I'm helping but only hurt her.

I know for all the bitching and moaning I've done about her you'd think that I would absolve myself of all fault in this relationship but guess what nope, I choose to hurt myself to bring myself to the verge of death and back because well, I crave the attention well not the attention but I need to know I matter and that people care. 

When it comes down to it I really want to build up the courage to kill myself not because of anyone but because I myself have out lived my purpose and have over stayed my welcome on this world....I can only hurt I can never bring joy or happiness or anything like that, all I can offer is anger, sadness and pain.....please forgive me everyone for all I've done I will alleviate myself from you soon just give me some time....