Is this really how this ends

All the information being thrown at me is conflicting in the worst ways, she says she still loves me but communication is at an all time low and whenever I look at her I feel like her gaze casts nothing but hatred toward me....not that I blame her I'm a horrible person who does horrible things I'm surprised she hasn't dumped me yet I guess she's finally gotten fed up dealing with my bullshit, she deserves better so much better I'm a self destructive, hating person and with how things have been lately I can only assume its my negative attitude that drove everyone away including her.....I'm a horrible person I beg of someone end my miserable excuse of an existence