To much, to little, to heavy for one man to hold on his own

You ever feel like your the worst kind of person? Well take that and multiply that by about 10,000 and add some feeling like a shit bag and then sprinkle on feeling worthless and useless and like if you disappeared it wouldn't matter and that's how I feel most of the time. I feel like I fail everyone every time I try to do well anything.
I try to be open with people but the downside is that leaves me venerable and I've been hurt so much in my life I feel I obsolete like I've lived past my usefulness.
I'm at work and I've locked myself in the bathroom hoping that these feelings will subside but I know they won't because there's always a voice telling me I've failed her and let her down and ill never be the man she needs....I wonder will I just be better off dead...... I just don't know. I want to cry and scream and just let all of these feelings go....hopefully things will get better

And this is where it gets awkward

So just because I want to get this out there because I don't think I can tell anyone about this.....I suck at sex sure I talk a big game but I've just gotten lucky A LOT my diabetes becomes a huge handicap because if I'm not on point with everything then my sex drive plummets and I start losing we shall say "abilities" and I feel embarrassed and self conscious and in the end it makes me not want to have sex even more then there's the whole I don't (believe) I'm satisfying my partner, I'm a "quick study" but she takes time and I feel horrible when I can't give her what she wants. At the same time has growing up with this looming cloud of what sex SHOULD be warped my perception of what sex actually is, am I in all reality perfectly fine the way I am......I don't know and all I do know is that I don't feel normal in this sense.

I am the knife

I'm not here to make anyone feel bad or upset anyone, this time I'm here to just state how I'm feeling and leave it at that.
Between not sleeping much at all, my night terrors worsening, and feeling like and utter failure as a boyfriend I'm beginning to thing I've finally lost it....I've failed to make her believe that she's a princess,to show her how important she is to not just me but everyone around her. She wants me to move hours away so that ill have a stable place to live...but what she forgets time after time is that home is where the heart is and my heart is where ever she is. Yes I'm stressed and slightly depressed and not sleeping and not eating and aggravated and ready to pull my fucking hair out but after two years the one constant that I've wanted in my life is her.

I know you'll read this and be upset but I'm not blaming you at all for anything I'm just afraid that your keeping me at arms length and that ill lose you because I'll shut down and eventually just stop being me...I love you and NOTHING will change that I just fear I'm losing you.