Set fire to the rain

I've always wondered if i was meant to really be here or not and after the past few weeks I've realized I'm not.....Not at all if you look around my life amounts to about 9 boxes....I've always seen myself as a replacement piece and not really a player of this game of life the visions, the night terrors, the things that seem to follow me no matter where i go.....she wants to run away from me because of the words i say and my actions towards her friends that's understandable but i think I'll make it a little easier for her all I'll have to do is kill myself and not only will that solve her problems but it will solve so many more problems in the long run. Now don't get me wrong i love her with all my heart, in fact i love her more than I've loved anyone before but I've obviously failed her so silenced i will go into the early mornings light alone, cold, dead inside with the feeling that I'm not really needed around here anymore. She will never know that she filled a hole in my heart that is what gave me hope...but the minute i read how much pain I've put her through i know i don't deserve it.I plan to kill myself the day of our one year anniversary not to spite her or to try to harm her in any way shape or form...it's simply to know that i will leave some mark on this world so that my soul will rest well.
What i really want is to be shot in the back of the head just so that things will be easy for me or for some stranger to kill me painlessly and quick so that i can just leave and not come back....If i get this internship i'm going to jump from the tallest building i can find and make sure that well....i never come back...so she can move on from me...a mistake, a bump, the wrong guy...