All time low

Things are getting better.....then why is it that I wake up with tears in my eyes feeling empty, am I really as broken as I thought and if so will she grow bored of this broken toy, I know I'm probably over thinking things but I'm so used to people leaving because of me that I'm on edge every time something even slightly goes off kilter, I know I'm easily replaced I understand that fact but she's not and I know I should bring this fact to her all of this in fact but for some reason I can't put this into verbal words, it flows so much easier when I'm writing.

I wonder if in her head I'm her antidote or if I'm just the poison in a pretty bottle, I question that every day: am I hurting her or am I helping, am I the reason she cries or am I the reason her tears dry up.....I guess I'm not sleeping because I'm to busy destroying myself.....how much longer will I last before the final pillar falls and all that's left is rubble and an empty husk who no longer breaths, laughs, cries, whose only place is being left to the wind because he's ashes. The funny thing is time will only tell but by that time it will be to late.