In other words....it'll never be as it was evre again

Everyone keeps asking me how im doing and where im staying...all i want to say is im alone in this world filled with people im staying in a place that feels like darkness and tears of the fallen loved ones all around the world. Let me be more specific...im homeless just lost my grandmother and my depression and night terrors have made a huge comeback and i can't seem to shake this feeling like im doomed not in that perverbial like "my life sucks" way but more like "im going to die all of a sudden"...while on more than my fair share of occasions ive welcomed that idea ive never enjoyed the idea of leaving my friends or the love of my life behind in the wake of my passing even though i know one day i will pass without warning...leaving now would be like leaving a boss fight in the middle of the breaking point. there are certain people id like to mention here Kat, Hayden, Katie, Brandi, John, Brett, Roger, Danni, Ruby, Mikey and yes even Dominique you all have effected me in the best ways some more than others but you've all always had my back in one way or another...(if i missed you sorry) for a select few of you...you all knew how bad things were for me but you did what i asked and treated me no different for how weak i truely was...but as i grew stronger no i didnt i only hid from what was hurting me and right now at this very moment all i want to do is go to the top of a tall building stand near the ledge and scream till my lungs bleed...scream until even the darkness cowers in a corner because of my fear inducing screams