A means to an end

Things were getting better but now instead of huge blow outs it's itty bitty fights and I know I cause some of them because I can be stubborn, idiotic and all around fucking stupid but why is it that I get to beat myself up constantly about these things while she just gets to wait around for me to apologize, I'm trying to get my life together but one step forwards Is two steps back in this fucked up circle.....I don't know anymore I guess I'll either follow through or I won't, but if I do a well deserved rest will be all I have to look forward to.