Never thought i would come this close to losing her

I don;t know exactly what to say here other than i guess I'm just really fucking up hard like horribly hard so much so that I'm close to losing the best thing that has ever happened to me and if that happens i will follow through with my suicide attempt this time because i don't wanna live if my heart is broken this time because there wont be anything left to put back together...shes asleep now and i told her i wouldn't ever read her facebook messages again and I'm not going to break that promise. I know my own insecurities are getting in the way but I'm trying to put them aside its hard for me but I'm trying really hard. i guess the only way to end this post is with some song lyrics and a promise that I'm going to go for a walk and maybe ill get what i deserve delivered in the form of a car speeding down a residential area and plowing me down.

I don't wanna lose you by Jamestown Story
"I've been losing sleep for a while now
Thinkin' about us
And its hard to pretend that we're doing okay
When we're not
And its killing me slowly

I need you in my life
Or I'm not alright
So don't walk away
I won't be okay if you do
I just don't wanna lose you

You've been losing faith
For a while now
And I'm lost for words
And for we are having problems
If you are willing we can solve them
In time
I'm just begging you to try

I need you in my life
Or I'm not alright
So don't walk away
I won't be okay if you do
I just don't wanna lose you

I need you in my life
Or I'm not alright
Please don't walk away
I need you to stay
To get through
Somethings gotta give

I hope we can get passed all the problems have
And let go
cause I still believe we have the chance

I need you in my life
Or I'm not alright
So don't walk away
I won't be okay if you do
I just don't wanna lose you

Everynight I dream about the days you and I
Both seem so happy
If only I knew what we'd go through to get here"

PLease read this baby and know I love you and I'm sorry