Ow

I just feel, like my darkness is eating me whole and that I can't come back from this.........but most of all I'm scared that nobody wants me, like I'm some horrid object that keeps getting passed around until I'm finally dropped and die....maybe that's for the best

Swallow that lump

I've greeted death twice in the past week and every time I only think about how I hurt her how I betrayed her love and trust and how is give anything to have her back in my arms....but she's found someone new, someone who isn't fragile and who can do better for her, does it hurt of course it does but I can only be happy that I still have her in my life and that things will be better for her.

Aside from the homelessness, small heart attack and almost chocking to death things in my life are still shit. But I'm glad she's doing ok

Another night on the street

Made twenty dollars then blacked out and woke up in a dumpster area the only thing keeping me from freezing.....her sweatshirt.....my eyes still hurt from crying and waking up cuddling my backpack wasn't exactly the best way to start my day but I diegress I can only hope tonight goes better....because my body can't handle much more of this

I want

To destroy myself, to paint with my blood as the life slips from me, to just die, to sece existing, to know eternal peice 

The colors I wear

Of all the colors I wear jealousy is the ugliest and so I've been attempting to wash away that color from my skin but jealousy does stain so very deep. As for the other colors the depression has the biggest grip on me it coddles me in the darkest if times reminding me of my doomed "timeline" of the fate I will never escape

The choice....

Is wether or not I let the flood gates open and feel everything I've shit out for years or do I just continue on.... If the past is any indicator the latter of the two is my future 

What am I......

Beast, human, mistake, in short a flaw in the system. With each passing day it only becomes more prevelant that my days are surely numbered