The choice....

Is wether or not I let the flood gates open and feel everything I've shit out for years or do I just continue on.... If the past is any indicator the latter of the two is my future 

What am I......

Beast, human, mistake, in short a flaw in the system. With each passing day it only becomes more prevelant that my days are surely numbered

The way we fall apart

I know I need to let go and not get jealous when you talk to other people but I can't help it because at the end of the day I'm still trying to somehow earn you back...it just I'm a horrible person

A thousand steps a thousand and one mistakes

Simply put I feel like I'm fucking up and hurting her......maybe after all this time an anomaly is all I really am

I wonder if

It's ok to cry, it's ok to wish that your life never existed, it's ok to wonder if everyone would be better off without you....I wonder if maybe my time has finally come to pass. I hate to sound like an awkward pre-teen but maybe the black parade has finally asked me to be it's newest member....it's a solem thought that I grasp to every night... 

"Cancer in my mind"

One brick and it all comes tumbling down, one brick mistakenly tugged and my heart just obliterated. No I wouldn't let any harm come to you and it hurts more to know that you would think if let it happen...when push comes to shove I can't deny all the mistakes I've made but I can show you I've been making progress to make my life better so that maybe I can have you be a part of it....my heart yerns for you like the grass yerns for water after weeks without. You most likely won't see this but if you do please know that I have left all the baggage behind and only want to show you how much better I've become

Fuck

After being in and out of the hospital and er for the past month and a half-ish I though I might be going on the right track with Katie. We've been talking and hanging out. Then I went and fucked everything all up by thinking with the wrong head. All I want right now is to keep her in my life but that option seems to be fading faster and faster. I want her to believe that I'm here for her and that I'm not ever intentionally trying to hurt her but I don't think she will ever believe that.....I just want a little bit of my safe haven back.....even if it is as just a friend