So this be the final stand

You want a break, but you don't want a break....I'm trying to be the person you want me to be but why does it seem no one listens, does no one have patience, time these things take time to work and I especially will take time to get a hold of these things but it seems at every turn I'm wrong, it seems that I only let you down, disappoint, upset, or anger you and the things your friends say hurt too. Are you afraid of intimacy with me, do I disgust you, or is it just simply the fact that you don't believe me when I look into your eyes and tell you that you're so beautiful. I'm tired, broken, wilting, crumbling under the pressure and the intense pain of not knowing what your going to do I love you nothing will change that and somehow I think you know that which is why you do what you do because my love is never waning. I guess all I can do now is sit and watch like a small child as you ponder over your desicion.   

I guess I'm just not what she needs.....

She's right I'm a small child no adult....and it's my fault she hurts herself. Every time I think about us I realize everything is my fault and I can't help but realize that I am the worst kind of person....maybe I should just...disappear because it's killing me to see her hurt at my hands....I hope we can get past all the problems we have.....

Loop me through infinity back into my grave

It's very simple we fought,I left,I came back,We loved being in each others arms again but I can't help but have that thought in the back of my head....John someone I used to be really good friends with has become one of my worst enemies because he has liked my girlfriend since he met her back in December,The things he does most of the time piss me off. He one ups me and basically has almost filled my position in Kaites life he makes her laugh,smile,happy in general things I have lost the ability to do. I don't know what to do because well.... latley I've been neglecting my own health to help everyone else. I'm at a point where I'm planning the least painful way to kill myself and I've come to the conclusion that I'll just take a bunch of sleeping medications and drift off to sleep one final time.

Katie- None of this is your fault in fact I blame myself wholeheartedly for this happening. I wish you nothing but happiness and good tidings in your life. I know It's going to hurt but It's not that I don't love you because I do really love you so much but when you see how close death is like I do you can't help but give up...I screwed up my one and only chance to be with you. I hope you understand that I'll miss you everyday and I hope you can forgive me for this.....I love you Catherine Rae Wilcox You will always be my one true love.

Hayden/Kat/Brandi-You guys are the are what friends should aspire to be. Hayden, In the time we've known each other we've learned to read each other like a book and I can't thank you enough for helping me as much as you have I wish things didn't have to come to this but I've lost my way and this is the only path I've found. Kat....I'm crying writing this especially this part because as my sister this is going to hurt you a lot...I couldn't have asked for a better friend,sister,companion and confidant for the past 10 years....I'm sorry I had to leave like this. Brandi, again ten years have gone by since we first met. There are things that you know about me that most people don't and what hurts me about this is having to leave my sister behind...I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough for you. I'll never forget the pokemans,digimans,Bleach,Hetalia,Doctor Who,MLP,Zombies or anything else we enjoyed together. I'm sorry guys.

All my friends/family-I'm sorry I couldn't handle it but after all of the comments from doctors and such I just can't handle it anymore I tried but I couldn't handle it...please live like I taught you to I want you all to be successful don;t let a single person tell you no you can't because I know you can!

-Will-
I hereby leave my belongings to 1)Catherine Rae Wilcox 2)Kat Rose Radamaker 3)Brandi Lee Peake 4)Hayden Alton Sanford 5)Danni Rae Underhill 6)Dan Anderson. These people can disrtibute them as they see fit. I wish to be cremated and have my ashes spread over Shibuya Station in Shibuya,Tokyo,Japan. that is all I hope everyone can forgive me.

I have failed

So i am moving out of my girlfriends house and the whole reasoning is basically i am wrong i will always be wrong and as a person i am made wrong so until i can be right i might aswell have lost her to him

Time of dying....

I've come to this point where I am....well ready to die every time this has come up I've berried it and now I just can't hold this in anymore I want to die because I can't provide for her, I can't make her happy I've failed her. It's basically like this I love her so much that if I lose her I will have no choice but to end my life.....I love you all but I can't handle this...

Wild ones

So I've been out of commision for about  a week now and its killing me to not see katie and to be stuck in a room all day....A few of my biggest problems here are :My manager being fucking bi polar with the shit shes saying to and about me, the pain deciding to fuck with me, and everyone told me i should quit but now all of a sudden i shouldnt cause well just cause this shit has to stop make up my mind because obviously whatever i choose will be wrong.

second off ive lost track of my insulin again but im trying to get back on it i just keep coming down on myself so hard and it didnt help when the doc weighed me i lost 20lbs i guess im just doomed to fail.

Dilly Dally Shilly Shally

Never thought I'd feel this stupid ever I merely suggested that moving away from this hell hole would be a great fucking idea seeing as all the problems we have are here but, alas I was once again wrong for trying to think of a way to save US from all the unneeded bullshit that goes down on this sandbar we call an island. She doesn't want to and I can see it in her eyes every time I say something about it. All she had to say was "I don't really wanna move, I love my family too much to leave." and I would've been fine with it but yet again I had to sit and watch her face as I talked to see that she didn't want anything to do with my idea...This is not to say we aren't getting along because we are really well it's just when she chooses to share things with other people instead of me It upsets me, it makes me feel like she doesn't trust me and worst of all it belittles me in a bad way. I miss how life used to be my good friends were still here and around all the time while drama was high it was dealt with swiftly and with a sense of urgency...Now I'm pretty much alone few friends to speak of and endless waves of drama keep flowing in. I'm drowning and all I really want is to go back to when my life made sense...I'm 19 soon to be 20 and I feel trapped by this man-made shit hole we call home....I wanna leave,take off just never look back but...shes tethered here by her family and plethora of friends,so while she shines bright I'll just sit here and fade into obscurity or better yet I'll actually go through with offing myself...maybe it's for the best....I just don't know anymore