These small hours....

Hours spent crying....and all I can hear in my head is her voice. I changed and I hurt her, and now I'm going to lose her forever, people can say that I only miss having someone to call mine but that's not it at all....I miss her touch, they way her voice calmed the demons in my head and the way she could just hold me and make everything feel better. I don't know if you'll read this but as I stand here leaving for work, knowing what I know and having to live with what I did, the only thing that comes to mind is will there ever be a way for me to win you back....

"These small hours, these little wonder, these twists and turns of fate. Time falls away."

When it rains, it pours....

My life's a mess and I'm so self destructive that I got rid of the best thing in my life because I'm fucking stupid. I miss her, so much it hurts. It hurts to sleep alone, to know I hurt her, to live day to day wanting to die because of the pain I put her through, even through all of this, all of the threats people have sent my way and all of the grief I've put up with and even the loss of friends, I would still go to the ends of the earth to make her happy to see her smile to hear her laugh. It feels like I'm losing her for good and I don't know if I can Handel that, she's one person that I don't ever want to lose for good. I sit here at work typing all this out in hopes she'll read it, in hopes that maybe we can at least salvage something between us because she means the world to me and she still has my heart....I know what I did was wrong and I know it's hard for anyone including her to believe that I still love her but in my heart of hearts I do still love her and everyday I can hold her is a day wasted....