Dilly Dally Shilly Shally

Never thought I'd feel this stupid ever I merely suggested that moving away from this hell hole would be a great fucking idea seeing as all the problems we have are here but, alas I was once again wrong for trying to think of a way to save US from all the unneeded bullshit that goes down on this sandbar we call an island. She doesn't want to and I can see it in her eyes every time I say something about it. All she had to say was "I don't really wanna move, I love my family too much to leave." and I would've been fine with it but yet again I had to sit and watch her face as I talked to see that she didn't want anything to do with my idea...This is not to say we aren't getting along because we are really well it's just when she chooses to share things with other people instead of me It upsets me, it makes me feel like she doesn't trust me and worst of all it belittles me in a bad way. I miss how life used to be my good friends were still here and around all the time while drama was high it was dealt with swiftly and with a sense of urgency...Now I'm pretty much alone few friends to speak of and endless waves of drama keep flowing in. I'm drowning and all I really want is to go back to when my life made sense...I'm 19 soon to be 20 and I feel trapped by this man-made shit hole we call home....I wanna leave,take off just never look back but...shes tethered here by her family and plethora of friends,so while she shines bright I'll just sit here and fade into obscurity or better yet I'll actually go through with offing myself...maybe it's for the best....I just don't know anymore